I am sure that you are aware, that when a chap reaches a certain age, it is extremely easy for them to succumb to the chronic & highly debilitating illness known as lazybastarditis – a malady characterised by a constant feeling of tardiness, idleness & widespread malaise.
A widespread belief that the medical fraternity share, is that those afflicted with this potentially life-threatening condition, have in fact, performed priorly at a physical & mental pace that is overtly unnatural to the human species – a pathology which psychologists refer to as kicking-the-arse-out-of-it. As a result, the body can suddenly & inexplicably enter an emergency state of basic functioning, rendering the sufferer incapable of any meaningful activity, except maybe operating a remote control, opening a packet of biscuits, or shuffling periodically to the fridge.
Now, it may come as a shock to some, that I have previously suffered with a severe bout of lazybastarditis, brought on by many years of kicking-the-arse-out-of-it. But what actually saved me from death by daytime TV, cheesy puffs & cheap lager, was the quintessentially British pursuit of Dawdling (also known formally as Mindful Escapism). Just by learning to jemmy the settee from under one’s backside & then ejecting oneself out of the front door, in order to amble, bimble & wander about at a relaxed & dare I say it, carefree pace, can actually cure many of the chronic symptoms of the disease. In fact, I would be so bold as to state, that such is the holistic effects of time spent Dawdling (what I refer to as ME time), it is not only possible to vastly improve a chap’s overall health & demeanour, but it can assist with an active re-engagement with the local environment – public houses, pie shops & restaurants of Indian heritage, for example.
Therefore, if I may be so bold, I would like to submit for your casual perusal my online periodical – The Dawdler. This blog is designed for those gents, who, like myself, are advancing in years & in serious need of a little ME time away from the stressful aspects of modern life.
DL Street, Esq.
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It is expected, that in this overly superfast & frenetic age, there will be some who suggest that Dawdling is nothing more than swanning or even skiving in another guise, but as a gentleman I would like to assure you that these assumptions are baseless & completely unjust. Swanning is performed, by & large, by married chaps who commit to sudden bouts of mild exercise in order to avoid being tasked with a chore by their partners, & similarly, although we admire the skill & expertise of the professional skiver in their subtle body-swerving of any form of labour, the term skiving is actually reserved for those in paid employment.